Toxic relationship, relationship changes the perception of love.

When a relationship is toxic, one partner feels completely pushed into the background. Although with friends and family we feel loved and put on a pedestal, and our partner is perceived as gallant and charming - within four walls there is ignorance and silence, which are supposed to be a punishment for us. 

 

The needs of a toxic person always dominate our own. Eventually, we start to lack life energy and feel hopeless. We stop seeing any advantages in ourselves. Emotional violence can also be accompanied by physical violence, which makes it increasingly difficult for us to talk about our problems, and even more so to escape from such a person.

 

How to recognize a toxic relationship?

It's usually not easy, but it's worth starting with what your partner says and how they say it to you. If after every argument there's a honeymoon period (or in some cases a week) and it seems to you that everything is back to normal, and then his or her anger comes back with a vengeance, then you should consider whether you're in a healthy relationship. 

 

It is also disturbing to blame the other person for the failure in every situation, even though we know that we had no influence on it. 

We must remember that when a relationship is toxic, the partner always has their finger on the pulse, controlling every step and waiting for the other party to stumble. You can't expect support and a sense of security, because they only think about their own needs. A toxic person often wants their partner to cut themselves off from their family and friends, even though they have frequent contact with theirs and often discuss their "problems" on their forum, and will do everything to turn them all against you. 

 

On the other hand, if you notice a situation in which, without any scruples, he adore other women before your eyes, or she flirts with other men, thinking that there is nothing wrong with it - it's time to react .  A partner should be your safe haven, who will pull us up and motivate us, and not drown us every day. You can't let yourself be convinced that our emotions don't matter and that we are "mentally ill", because this is how the toxic person shifts responsibility for all the arguments onto us.

 

 

Can a toxic relationship be saved?

Extremely rarely. Such a relationship should be ended as soon as possible, especially when the partner deliberately and without any resistance uses emotional and/or physical violence against the other person.

 

 

Characteristics of a toxic partner.

A toxic partner displays a series of behaviors that indicate a desire to take power and control over the other person. They constantly whine, are dissatisfied, and take out their emotional grievances on the other person. But worst of all, they do nothing to improve the situation.

 

What should we pay special attention to?

• Aggression – verbal and physical;

• Physical betrayal or emotional betrayal;

• Disregarding reactions or claiming they are inappropriate to the situation;

• Invalidating emotions;

• Blaming everything and pointing out mistakes;

• Hypocrisy and victimization;

• Constant criticism and accusation;

• Transferring your mistakes to the victim (even for betrayal!);

• Baseless insults;

• Lack of closeness;

• Intolerance of a partner’s appearance and behavior;

• Failure to respect privacy (e.g. reading correspondence);

• Controlling expenses;

• Isolating the other person from family, friends and acquaintances;

• Lack of empathy and the ability to sincerely apologise.

 

Phases of a toxic relationship

A toxic relationship consists of three regularly repeating phases.

• Idealization – everything starts slowly, ideally and gently. The toxic partner seems to be ideal, caring, caring and loving. We see the world through rose-tinted glasses, there are legendary butterflies in the stomach etc. There is no indication that this is not his true face. However, it is this constant idealism that should worry us. There are no ideal people or relationships;
• Devaluation – after some time, the behavior of such a partner changes dramatically. He starts criticizing, demanding more and more, and is often dissatisfied. There is a play on emotions, punishment with silence, fear, uncertainty, and questions: "maybe he wants to leave me, maybe I'm not perfect?";
• Rejection – everything becomes clear, we are dealing with a toxic partner! However, low self-esteem, the ground that has shifted under our feet, the feeling of humiliation and abandonment do not allow us to leave. The lack of emotional courage makes us suffer a lot, but we continue to be in it. Why is it like this? We do not understand it. The injured party does not care about their dignity, sometimes they even beg for their return in the event of an attempt to break up. Sometimes, in extreme cases, the injured party is ready to "forgive" even betrayal.

 

Toxic behaviors – what do they result from?

Such behaviors are sometimes the result of personal problems or improper family relationships, they are not always conscious and intentional. Childhood, relationships between parents and functioning in specific roles can have a big impact on how we find ourselves in a relationship and what our approach to another person is. Difficulties can result from unprocessed problems such as abandonment of a child by parents or one of them, alcohol abuse, psychological or physical violence, or lack of respect between parents play a significant role. The cause of such a state of affairs can be unprocessed traumas (also or sometimes mainly from childhood), mental disorders, disorders of self-esteem or lack of experience of positive relationships. Often subconsciously we choose not necessarily what is good, but what is familiar to us.

 

It can also happen that toxic behavior is fully conscious and deliberate. The relationship is a kind of business from which the toxic person derives benefit for themselves - perhaps financially, socially. Sometimes blaming and depriving the comfort of the partner gives them pleasure, and the toxic relationship becomes simply convenient.

 

How do you know if a toxic relationship can be repaired?

If both people show a genuine desire to improve the relationship and are clearly ready to act, it is worth trying. To fix a toxic relationship, you need to stop shifting responsibility to the other person. Blaming will not lead to an understanding. You need to learn to talk, openly name your emotions, and communicate your needs.

 

How to end a toxic relationship?

Saving a toxic relationship requires a lot of work, determination, and patience. Very often, it is simply impossible. Therefore, if one party decides that they are in a toxic relationship that cannot be saved, they should leave. It is easy to say, but hard to do.

 

You should try not to blame yourself, break off contact with such a partner. Ending a relationship, even a toxic one, is not the easiest. A person who has been blamed for everything for a long time, constantly monitored - has become a victim who has lost their sense of self-worth. Their dignity has been trampled. Lack of courage, helplessness and doubts do not make leaving easier. The most important thing is to realize that the relationship is not healthy, it has a negative impact on the psyche and well-being. Getting out of a toxic relationship, especially in emotional terms, is a very difficult and complicated process, but it is possible. It is very important to completely break off contact with your ex-partner after leaving. She or he will try to come back, will write, call with tears confiding in you how unhappy they are now, will like photos on social media and write flattering comments. You should be careful then, these are deliberate tricks!

 

Some people need to find reasons to leave – undeniable evidence that the other person was and continues to be dishonest. Simply put, evidence of betrayal.

 

How to recover from being in a toxic relationship?

Returning to normality after such a relationship consists of several stages:

• Doubts – when we realize that we were in a toxic relationship, we start asking ourselves a lot of questions. We wonder what drove us, where we went wrong, why we stayed with someone who hurt, wounded and ignored our feelings for so long;
• Searching for answers – when we calm down after making such a difficult decision to break up, we start talking to loved ones whom we didn’t want to hear about what happened in our relationship before. We want to convince ourselves that leaving was the best choice. In fact, the only right one. With the help of loved ones, friends and family, we will quickly understand that there was no other way, this relationship had no right to work out.

 

Further important steps are:

• Understanding what happened – although the grief, pain and suffering will stay with us for a long time, we start to feel that it was a good decision. We open our eyes, we start to understand the difficult experiences, terrible situations and our own wrong. We slowly see the light at the end of the tunnel;
• Self-care – we start to find our balance. We finally cut off contact with the person who caused us so much pain and suffering. We throw away all the mementos, photos and gifts. Nothing is left! We finally decide to take care of ourselves. Only ourselves, no one else!
• Life does have meaning though – we are opening up more and more to people and the world around us. We start going out with friends, building new relationships, developing passions and interests. At this point we are able to pay attention to other people in terms of a possible new partnership;
• Everything is known – we already know what mistakes we should avoid in the future. We treat the failures that have occurred as painful lessons. We are aware of what is wrong and how we cannot allow ourselves to be treated. We draw sensible conclusions from traumatic experiences and begin to fully enjoy life.

 

It is important to remember that it is not only men who can be toxic . Women can poison lives in this way just as much.

If you have been in a toxic relationship and feel that help in obtaining evidence of your partner's betrayal would be a good solution for you, contact us.

 

Detective Group Detective Agency provides detective services in Warsaw. A few days of observation can provide you with evidence of dishonesty of a toxic partner (more: here) .

 

Benefits:

• We always work in a team of several detectives, which gives the client a better chance of obtaining evidence of a partner's betrayal than a private detective working alone - private detective Warsaw .
• We invite you to familiarize yourself with our offer of services – in particular, the offer of several days of observing a husband or wife, establishing contact and checking the possibilities of cooperation.
• We offer  an affordable price list  for everyone, with the possibility of negotiating it during a free consultation meeting.

 

 

The effects of being in a toxic relationship for a long time

A toxic relationship is not only an emotional challenge, but also a source of serious health and mental health effects. Being in such a relationship for a long time can lower self-esteem, increase stress levels, and even lead to health problems. A toxic partner often causes isolation from loved ones and suppresses interests, making the person lose their sense of self-worth and the meaning of life. How to recognize these signals and dare to take a step towards change?

 

Decreased self-esteem and self-worth

Being in a toxic relationship for a long time significantly lowers self-esteem. A toxic partner often uses manipulation, criticism, and belittling of the other person, which over time affects the victim's self-perception. Many people in this situation begin to believe that it is their fault, that they are not "good enough," and that they are responsible for the problems in the relationship. A toxic partner may reinforce these beliefs to maintain their control, making the person feel dependent and unable to live without them. With each passing day, such behavior leads to a greater loss of self-confidence and self-esteem, making it harder to decide how to end the toxic relationship and start a new chapter in life.

 

Stress and its impact on physical and mental health

A toxic relationship is a source of constant tension, and the stress of everyday interactions with a partner affects both mental and physical health. Chronic stress resulting from living in a toxic environment can lead to health problems such as high blood pressure, heart problems, and a weakened immune system. Many people also experience insomnia, migraines, and digestive problems. In the long term, the stress associated with such a relationship increases the risk of depression and anxiety, and the person may have difficulty coping with daily responsibilities. Often, they do not realize that the source of their health problems is the toxic relationship they are in.

 

Social isolation and loss of relationships with loved ones

One of the characteristic elements of the toxic relationship phase is gradual isolation from the environment. A toxic partner can sabotage contacts with friends or family, criticizing or manipulating the victim's opinion of loved ones. As a result, a person in such a relationship begins to limit contacts with others, giving up support that could help them objectively assess the situation. Social isolation makes the person feel lonely and helpless, which only strengthens their dependence on the toxic partner. It is worth remembering that losing contact with loved ones contributes to a sense of loneliness and can make the person feel "trapped" in a relationship from which they seem to have no way out.

 

Loss of passion and interests

A toxic relationship often leads to a gradual abandonment of one’s passions, dreams, and interests. A toxic partner may criticize a person’s interests, belittle their dreams, or try to control how they spend their time, which causes the person to gradually give up on things that once brought them joy. Over time, a person may lose their sense of identity, feeling like they have become just an “add-on” to their partner’s life. This leads to an inner emptiness, feelings of depression, and a sense of purposelessness. Without one’s own passions and interests, life becomes monotonous, which only deepens the emotional effects of a toxic relationship.

 

Difficulties in establishing relationships in the future

People who have been in a toxic relationship for a long time often have difficulty establishing healthy relationships in the future. The difficult experiences and negative patterns learned from such a relationship leave traces that can cause a lack of trust and fear of re-commitment. Many people avoid close relationships, fearing that history will repeat itself. A toxic wife or husband can leave such deep emotional wounds that rebuilding them takes time, support from loved ones, and often professional therapy. Building healthy relationships then requires rebuilding self-esteem, as well as learning how to talk openly and set boundaries so as not to repeat the past.

 

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